Why Doesn't My Shake Weight Work?

For Mother's Day, Brad, my son, asked what I would like.

I tell him, "I saw a "Shake Weight Thingie" <----(Official Technical Term) ad on t.v. that looks really interesting."

"Oh yah?"  Brad presses.

"Yah, the only thing you have to do is hold this "Shake Weight Thingie" <----(I'm sure this is the correct term) and it does the exercising for you."

"Um . . . are you sure?" Brad questions.

"Well, it certainly looks like it on t.v.  The models who are demonstrating how the "Shake Weight Thingie" <----(I think that's the technical term) works, just hold it.  You should see their arms and shoulders---so buff." 

I continue, "When I saw that ad, I knew that that was something that I could do!  When I saw that ad, I shouted, 'Where do I sign up?'"

Brad agrees to look it up on the internet to see if he can find one.  He does and orders me one!  Woo Hoo!

I can't "weight!"  "Just think of it," I tell myself, "All I have to do is hold the weight thingie and it will shake for me!"  What could be easier than that?

I "weight" some more---this time with baited breath . . . or . . . unbaited breath (if you know my situation).  I exclaim, "I can't "weight" for my "Shake Weight Thingie"  <----(must be correct term or how could Brad have ordered it)?

After "weighting" what seems like an eternity, it finally arrives.  Woo Hoo!

I grab the package and try to rip it open with my arthritic hands.

Doesn't work.

So . . . Brad grabs it from me and opens it with his strong man hands.  Before he could even get the packing undone, I grab it from him with my arthritic hands and hold the "Shake Weight Thingie" tight.

Nuttin'.

I scour the top for an on/off switch, then I scour the bottom.

Nuttin'.

I search the  center holding part for some kind of a switch.

Nuttin'.

I hold it really tight again---still nuttin'.

Brad is watching me this whole time wondering what the heck I'm doing.

Finally I blurt out, "Hey, this "Shake Weight Thingie" is defective!  It's not shaking!"  I'm so disappointed.

Brad can't take it anymore and grabs the "Shake Weight Thingie" out of my feeble hands.  Then he grabs the box that it came in and reads the instructions.  He says, "The insructions state that YOU are supposed to shake the weight."

"Me?  But, . . . but . .  . the t.v. models---they didn't have to shake theirs."  I argue.

He reads the instructions out loud.  Basically it says that there are no batteries.  The person holding the "Shake Weight Thingie" needs to shake it for it to work.

I respond, "If I had known that I had to shake the weight myself, I woulda just grabbed my free weights and shook those!  What a rip off."

Lesson Learned:  When you see a t.v. model who has "ripped" shoulders, biceps & triceps . . . it's NOT because of a "Shake Weight Thingie"  <---(Official Rip-Off Name)